


Chub

by corviiy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Chatlogs, Explicit Language, M/M, Phallic Imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 01:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6494962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corviiy/pseuds/corviiy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat discuss the nuances of erectile vocabulary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chub

**Author's Note:**

> written based off of a convo i had with my bf

carcinoGeneticist[CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: FUCK YOU  
TG: i mean...  
CG: NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN TO ME  
CG: PLEASE RIDDLE ME THIS, DAVE, JUST DO ME A FAVOR, SIT UP, PAY A-FUCKING-TTENTION FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN TO THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH.  
TG: uh  
TG: aye aye captain vantas  
TG: whats the problem  
CG: THE PROBLEM IS THAT SOMEHOW  
CG: WITH A PHALLIC FIXATION THE SIZE OF BOTH OF ALTERNIAS MOONS, WITH EVERY AVAILABLE VOCABULARY WORD UNDER THE SUN TO USE FOR A HUMAN PENIS  
CG: YOU HAD TO USE THE ONE IN THIS VAST, UNIMPEDED MULTIVERSE THAT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING IN OUR MOST PRECIOUS CREATION  
TG: so you're saying you don't appreciate my most recent entry in the diary of starsky&hitch  
CG: NO I FUCKING DONT.  
CG: I CANT BELIEVE YOU MADE ME READ THAT WORD IN THAT CONTEXT WITH MY OWN TWO LOOKSTUBS  
CG: I DEMAND YOU ERASE THAT WORD IMMEDIATELY. GO BACK AND USE YOUR TIME POWERS TO STOP YOURSELF FROM WRITING IT OR SOMETHING  
TG: nah  
CG: COME ON  
CG: PLEASE  
CG: I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT THE ENTRY WITHOUT CRINGING BECAUSE OF THE WORD  
TG: babe come on it's not THAT bad it's just a word  
TG: i happen to like that word actually  
TG: for future reference, here are all the words that are my favorite to use in ironic crossover smut  
CG: DONT  
TG: prick, spunk, south mouth, wiggly, and...  
CG: STOP OH MY GOD  
TG: c  
CG: NO  
TG: h  
CG: DAVE  
CG: FUCKING STOP  
TG: u  
CG: DAVE  
TG: b  
TG: chub  
CG: GOD DAMN IT  
CG: ERASE IT YOU SHITBAG  
TG: lmao nah  
CG: IM SERIOUS  
TG: i just cant heres the thing  
TG: chub is literally my favorite word for boner ok  
CG: UHG  
TG: hear me out for a sec my guy  
TG: first off if you remember right starsky's sportin a half chub, which is important  
TG: like seriously plot relevant because later  
TG: he'll go full chub  
TG: like goku "this isn't even my final form" kinda chub  
TG: and we wanna buckle the fuck up for that donger ok so there had to be some kind of preparation for it because you can't just go from flaccid as a sad balloon to rockin out with ya cock out in like one reply so thats the first problem, chub is the perfect mix of gentle and sexy to describe half a boner  
CG: ITS NOT SEXY!!!  
TG: neither is collaborative erotica about david starsky and troll alex hitchens  
CG: CAN YOU JUST CALL IT ROLEPLAY LIKE THE REST OF US  
TG: i refuse  
TG: now hush and listen to the rest of my speech about why chub is the best word for literally any kind of erection caught  
TG: are you listening  
CG: YES YOU KNOB GET ON WITH IT  
TG: awesome  
TG: okay so my second point is the literal phonetics of the word chub  
TG: chub, commonly associated with, yknow, fat, but like cuter and more appealing somehow  
TG: so it really emphasizes that this is not only a nice looking dick, but it's  
TG: some big fuckin fat juicy dick cake right  
TG: like ok picture the following  
TG: youve got this flaccid log of beef in your hand right and you're thinkin man, this guy MUST be a show-er  
TG: because this thing is thick as fuck  
TG: but this cock gets nice and plump and chub in your hands  
TG: now you got yourself a half chub  
TG: goddamn what a nice fuckin dick ur thinking but it's gotta stop growing now  
TG: but nah, you can feel it throbbing, hot, heavy, a little velvety in your hand, its getting fatter  
TG: now it's the full chub  
TG: and hot damn there is no better word for this guys big fat juicy prick  
TG: its a chub and you know it, this guy is DEFINITELY a grow-er  
CG: FUCK OFF WITH THIS STUPID NONSENSE  
CG: YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE  
TG: well i mean one of us has to at least pretend like we've got hands on chub experience  
TG: at least im not callin troll hitch's junk somethin akin to geoduck  
CG: GEODUCK?  
TG: [gooey_dick.png](http://www.macleans.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/MAC30_GEODUCK01www.jpg)

carcinoGeneticist[CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

\--

tentacleTherapist[TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TT: Good morning, Dave.  
TG: hey rose whats up  
TT: Your alien is currently throwing a tantrum in the kitchen.  
TT: Do you see what's wrong with this picture?  
TG: im not his pacifier dude i'd tell you to go bother jellyclown but he's busy being an aloof alison and idk if their moirailness is actually legit  
TG: i mean its not really my place to say it is or isnt but they dont spend a lot of time together  
TT: Focus, Dave.  
TG: right  
TT: The reason it's your problem is because I'm sure you're the source of the issue.  
TG: c'mon rose you know what they say say about assuming  
TT: What  
TG: it makes an ASS out of U and ME  
TT: Do you have any more terrible early-aughties parental comebacks to regurgitate or are we ready to talk about what you did to your boyfriend  
TG: seriously man why do you assume its my fault  
TT: He's grumbling and chuffing about dicks.  
TT: Of course it's your fault.  
TT: Did you two have a fight about boners?  
TG: more or less  
TT: How are you feeling about it?  
TG: have you seen my status  
TT: "this isn't even my final chub" -A real thing typed and quasi-published by Dave Strider  
TG: boom. there it is  
TG: he's fine he'll get over it  
TT: Well as long as you're confident.  
TG: definitely. he can't resist shitty collaborative erotica for too long just you wait  
TT: I feel like this is starting to touch topics that you and I have yet to discuss.  
TT: With that, I'll take my leave.  
TT: There's coffee on the counter.

tentacleTherapist[TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]


End file.
